This few days I really feel depressed and frustrated... always form group with that three people only...want to make new friends also cannot... As I already know, once I choose the wrong gang of people...then "hancurlah" my life!!! My HE assignment only get 23 marks out of 30 marks... and the more worse in my HE test... Haha...as I already know...sure "hancur" one... I get 22 out of 40. Teruknya!! I also have calculated on my coursework marks for HE...and if not wrong, I need to do very well in the Exam in order to get a "A" which I think it is IMPOSSIBLE!!! Haha...and yesterday, I just done my HE presentation...hmm, actually not too satisfied with the marks but...just accepted it lo....what to do??

I always thinking about the same thing throughout the week... SHOULD I CONTINUE MYSELF IN CS??? Huh, as I am not good in my Chinese... I feel that myself very useless and I started to feel "自卑" as I seemed can't contribute anything to the society and I keep on asking on my senior...what sports is the most easy to get the 2 credit hours?? I keep on finding ways to "escape" from CS. But by the way, I really like CS very much. Just because I can't speak fluently in Chinese, sometimes I just dare not voice up my opinions... as I don't how to tell some words in Mandarin. Haiz...what to do?? Who ask me don't know Chinese??

I keep on telling myself that I can do it. But eventually I can't do anything. I keep on struggling on what decision should I make.... I even asked my best friends' advice. Two of them ask me to quit as it seemed to be a burden to me... but my dear, Pei Shin give me opinion to me that I should give a try and try to manage both my study and co-q.... But the things I most worry about is that I scared I will lose my scholarship... I scared I can't do well in my study if I enter CS as this society is a damn busy society in the entire college... Haha!!! I also don't understand why I will enter this society at first...

Haha...today feel extremely sad...and my friends keep on asking me why I look like a corpse and walk like a corpse!! Sure like a corpse la...a lot of tension ma!! Tests, assignments, exam and CS!!! I feel that I can't manage all of them at the same time...and this week I really cried a lot. What to do... except release all my sadness through the tears that rolling down to my cheeks?? I even think of "放弃" but I really cannot give up this opportunity as I really lucky to be the chosen one...haha!! I even think of not attending the meeting for today but... I keep on telling myself to keep on trying!! I struggle for a long time and I finally end up with a conclusion which is continue myself in CS.

My mom told me that if I already worked hard...if the scholarship is really forgone, then also nothing can be done except that I need to pay my own money lol...but I think I will still got some discount geh...haha!! Staff rate!! So, what Kenix should do is try my best to get a "A" for every unit but I really know that it is a "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE"... so just try my best not to fail a single unit lo...then I think this mission, I can still handle geh!!! Tomorrow got QS test arr... very scare but I just can do one thing which is try my best... just try to pass!!!

Haha...tomorrow night is the O'Night but I won't go as a student but as a staff's daughter and thus I don't need to very dinner dress...HAHA!!! Kenix...gambateh and 下乡 gambateh!! Hope that I can really manage both of them la... GOD BLESS!!! Good night!!! Wakaka...


confusing kenix signing out @ 11.58pm

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今天我很不开心。The reason I feel unhappy is my family is not supporting on me.

Hey, do you that I have a lot of stress these days?? I just want to express my unsatisfactory towards something. Why can't you just understand my conditions?? Always telling me that others didn't complain this and that while I always complaining everything. Hey, come on!! Why should others tell you their feelings...if they really have problems, they also won't tell you everything la...you are not their family.

Do you have ever supporting on my decision?? No!!! You didn't!!! Whenever I complain about my college life. You will always splashing me with cold water. You always say "You should study for Form Six. Then you can enter local university." But do you really understand what my wants are??? I don't like Form Six since I was in Form 4. I hate Form Six!!

Whatever I done is wrong. On the other hands, whatever both your son do is always right. They play the computer all days, you won't make a single noise but if I play the whole days, you will start scolding me. Even your son fails his Add Maths, you never ask him not to play the computer. He always msn with girls and you never scold him. This is really unfair.

I don't mind that you do not support on me. But please don't make me question on my decison that I have made. Oh, please la...KCL!! You only get ? marks for your Add Maths and you even XXXX 4 of your subjects in the MYT. You tries to make fun of me. Saying that if I am a lawyer, I will become 哑巴 when I see the judge. What about you?? You will piss in your pants when you see the judge la. What I hate the most is that you support your son and together making fun of me. I tell you, I HATE you!!! And I am warning you, KCL. You don't ever making fun of me anymore, you idiot buffalo!!! You think you are very smart, gah??? Please stop dreaming la!! I tell you, I won't let myself fail the exam geh!! I want to prove to you that among your children, I am the best. The ends.

Friend, thanks for your comment. About the interview that day, I think I had passed la...feel so surprised.


T.T crying kenix signing out at 2.43am

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Today's feeling : 今天我觉得很丢脸。

Wow, it had been a long time I didn't post any blogs due to my busy college life. College's life is really tiring and not similar like secondary school. And of course, I always think that secondary school life is my best moments in life. I miss it a lot. But that had become the history of my life meaning that I won't have another secondary school life, so what I have to do now is concentrating on my studies in college and thinking about my future. And just try to forget the past.

But recently, I always thinks whether I have made a correct choice to study at TAR College. Many people keep asking me the same question. Guess what is the question?? The question is "Hah, you are studying at TAR College?? How many As you get?? Why don't you study Form 6?? Why don't you go for a better college or university??" All these questions are making me crazy. Am I picking the right choice??? No, I don't know! I know I shouldn't think of all these anymore but I have some regret feeling in my heart now and making me feeling sad all days.

As in my college life, we must have 2 credit hours in order to pass the co-curriculum unit. And what I have done to ensure that I can get the 2 credit hours, I make up my mind to enter 下乡服务团. As I am a non-mandarin student, I am having difficulties in speaking that language fluently. I undergoes the first interview and I managed to pass it... but today or maybe just now, I just have another interview but I think I'll fail this time. My mandarin is so 乱七八糟 and I think they won't let me pass one. I feel so 丢脸 about the interview just now. I campur all my languages like a bowl of rojak and I really don't know whether they can get what I say.

Nowadays, only left me alone. All of them are leaving one by one. Lee Teck had gone to UNITEN on last Friday/Saturday and Mabel also had gone to KL this morning. By the way, Yugathes will be leaving us too in the next 2 weeks. Meaning that all the 5 Science 1 's students had gone to somewhere else, except me and those who are doing their STPM.

Huh, it's very late now and I should go to bed right away. Tomorrow still have 3 Tutorial Class and I haven't started on my QS questions. OMG, what a busy week this is!!!
This week will have QS test and then next week will have Accounting test and also Hubungan Etnik test... tiring!!! Assignments and presentations are all coming together in Week 6 & 7.


丢脸的 kenix signing out @ 1.27am

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Oh, I am so disappointed about my result!!!
I just get 8As...which consist of 6A1 and 2A2.....
Hmm...the rest better don't tell...because I feel so embarrasing!!!
I get B3 for my EST which I thought it was a mistake... I don't believe that I get a B for my EST...
And what is more terrible is my Physics and Biology... As a Science student, I really out of idea why am I getting such a bad result for both my Science subject... a B4 for physics and a C6 for biology....
I feel so sad when I saw my Biology result...
Now... I think I can't do anything!!!
But what I want to do now... is to check back my EST result... and just hope I an get can A back...
Now only I know... without an A... it is difficult to apply for any scholarship!!!
But I really want to congratulate all my friends who get an excellent result...
HAIZ!!!... I feel so shame to let people know about my result!!!
Anyway hope for the best!!!

~# signing out ~# kenix @ 3.50pm

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