This few days I really feel depressed and frustrated... always form group with that three people only...want to make new friends also cannot... As I already know, once I choose the wrong gang of people...then "hancurlah" my life!!! My HE assignment only get 23 marks out of 30 marks... and the more worse in my HE test... Haha...as I already know...sure "hancur" one... I get 22 out of 40. Teruknya!! I also have calculated on my coursework marks for HE...and if not wrong, I need to do very well in the Exam in order to get a "A" which I think it is IMPOSSIBLE!!! Haha...and yesterday, I just done my HE presentation...hmm, actually not too satisfied with the marks but...just accepted it lo....what to do??

I always thinking about the same thing throughout the week... SHOULD I CONTINUE MYSELF IN CS??? Huh, as I am not good in my Chinese... I feel that myself very useless and I started to feel "自卑" as I seemed can't contribute anything to the society and I keep on asking on my senior...what sports is the most easy to get the 2 credit hours?? I keep on finding ways to "escape" from CS. But by the way, I really like CS very much. Just because I can't speak fluently in Chinese, sometimes I just dare not voice up my opinions... as I don't how to tell some words in Mandarin. Haiz...what to do?? Who ask me don't know Chinese??

I keep on telling myself that I can do it. But eventually I can't do anything. I keep on struggling on what decision should I make.... I even asked my best friends' advice. Two of them ask me to quit as it seemed to be a burden to me... but my dear, Pei Shin give me opinion to me that I should give a try and try to manage both my study and co-q.... But the things I most worry about is that I scared I will lose my scholarship... I scared I can't do well in my study if I enter CS as this society is a damn busy society in the entire college... Haha!!! I also don't understand why I will enter this society at first...

Haha...today feel extremely sad...and my friends keep on asking me why I look like a corpse and walk like a corpse!! Sure like a corpse la...a lot of tension ma!! Tests, assignments, exam and CS!!! I feel that I can't manage all of them at the same time...and this week I really cried a lot. What to do... except release all my sadness through the tears that rolling down to my cheeks?? I even think of "放弃" but I really cannot give up this opportunity as I really lucky to be the chosen one...haha!! I even think of not attending the meeting for today but... I keep on telling myself to keep on trying!! I struggle for a long time and I finally end up with a conclusion which is continue myself in CS.

My mom told me that if I already worked hard...if the scholarship is really forgone, then also nothing can be done except that I need to pay my own money lol...but I think I will still got some discount geh...haha!! Staff rate!! So, what Kenix should do is try my best to get a "A" for every unit but I really know that it is a "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE"... so just try my best not to fail a single unit lo...then I think this mission, I can still handle geh!!! Tomorrow got QS test arr... very scare but I just can do one thing which is try my best... just try to pass!!!

Haha...tomorrow night is the O'Night but I won't go as a student but as a staff's daughter and thus I don't need to very dinner dress...HAHA!!! Kenix...gambateh and 下乡 gambateh!! Hope that I can really manage both of them la... GOD BLESS!!! Good night!!! Wakaka...


confusing kenix signing out @ 11.58pm

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Oh...my whole body is so painful!!! "Lebam" here and "luka" there... so bad oo
Actually this weekend I have a CS Training Camp at college...and the camp just ended at 10pm...
I learn quite a lot from this camp but le... I don't know whether my "semangat" can stay for how long... Now I will write back what had happened during this three days!!!


10 July 2009, Friday

Today is my first day in CS Training Camp. Firstly, I sure feel nervous lo. Keep on checking whether I have forgotten to bring anything. And as usual, as I am not good in my Mandarin, I don't like to speak much...as every word I say I need to translate it in my brain from Cantonese to Mandarin but sometimes I'll translate the word wrongly and I'll feel 尴尬. The activities for that day are really fun. And we are having a activity called "小主人 and 小天使". Our group GF, Penny and AGF, Jen Li are really cool. Feel so happy to make friends with them( my group member). Then we sing our NegaraKu and read "ikrar". Then the rest of the days also play games...we went home at 10pm...feel so hungry at that time cause I haven't take my dinner...To be continued.............


11 July 2009, Saturday

Today we draw our group flag and create our group slogan and song. Our group name is...幸运四叶草!!! Then we have a game and in that game, I learn the importance to trust the people in our group. Then we also given a task to perform on Sunday where those Senior will act like "small children". After discussion, we decide to perform a dance!!! We have a sketch...have a lot of fun [^U^]... I discover that my 小主人 is my AGF, Jen Li and I get to know that my 小天使 is Khoo Sin Jia...haha!!! So coincidence both my 小主人 and 小天使 are in my group...hehehe
At night we have our 联欢晚会...though the food at GK is terrible but really have some fun la...hehe!! At last I saw her smile... congratulation 纪律 for getting second place for the best 笑容... After that, we go practise our dance "woosa woosa". So cham have to copy 20 times of the 宗旨. It is really a hard task for me...and finally I write till 4am


12 July 2009, Sunday

OMG...I almost last for the camp. Today in an activity we are required to dance 星星舞 with our eyes blindfolded. Huh, our group lost and we need to "tekan-tubi" 80 times...alamak sakitnya!!!
Then, here come the "children"!!! Wow, those Senior are very good in acting arr... But I as AGF really done a terrible job...I admit my weakness...I really want surrender le. These are not normal "children"... they are mad de!! So cham de 纪律... voice also "sa" liao...and she is one of the "children" damn crazy de... After that, we have some discussion on our job... Later we have our Station Games... So fun la... After having our dinner, we gathered at SAD hall again... We are taken to sit at a specific place where we told to close our eyes... Then something happened that make us cry lolz... so 感动... Senior, so sorry that we seem not appreciate you all... Sorry for not giving response to your questions... Sorry for not understanding your hard work and sorry for not respecting you all... sorry and thanks for all the hard work you all have given to us... haha!! Thanks Jen Li for your present... that monkey looks so cute la... hehe and hope Sin Jia will like my gift la... At last we dance for a while and take photograph and that's the end for our training camp!!! Gonna miss this camp very much... I really can survive in 下乡?? Hope I can "kekal" till the end la...
下乡 gambateh!!! Muackzz


That is the end of my blog about the Training Camp... Good Night!!!



kenix signing out @ 11.55 pm

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I am too bored...thus I just want to spend some time writing something on my blog. You see how free MeiYee is!!! hahaha

Before I start my blog today, I would like to thank my friends for their supporting words in msn. Thanks, my friends.

Hmm...I am getting worried and worried these days!!! My preparations for the presentation on Hubungan Etnik had not yet started. Now I worried that I don't have enough time to prepare and I think my points is not enough to be presented within 5 minutes. Moreover, tomorrow I'll be having my Hubungan Etnik test and on the day after it, I'll have my English's short conversation. I feel that all these things are too rush for me. I am very frustrated!!!

And my biggest problem is about the Community Sociology (CS). There'll be a training camp this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I feel tension about the camp la.... And there is also a gathering on Saturday night at Grand Kampar Hotel. Firstly, I thought I don't want to go but then they say it is compulsary to go. So I think I just have to go though I really don't want to go. Aiyo...kenix!!! Don't regret la...just accept the fate!!! But I really want to know the reason why I was selected. My group leader, monkey so good also didn't pass the interview, why should I pass it le??? Confusing arr....

Haha...actually writing blog really can make me feel sleepy de wo...and I want to sleep now lolz!!!


sleepy kenix signing out at 1.13am

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今天我很不开心。The reason I feel unhappy is my family is not supporting on me.

Hey, do you that I have a lot of stress these days?? I just want to express my unsatisfactory towards something. Why can't you just understand my conditions?? Always telling me that others didn't complain this and that while I always complaining everything. Hey, come on!! Why should others tell you their feelings...if they really have problems, they also won't tell you everything la...you are not their family.

Do you have ever supporting on my decision?? No!!! You didn't!!! Whenever I complain about my college life. You will always splashing me with cold water. You always say "You should study for Form Six. Then you can enter local university." But do you really understand what my wants are??? I don't like Form Six since I was in Form 4. I hate Form Six!!

Whatever I done is wrong. On the other hands, whatever both your son do is always right. They play the computer all days, you won't make a single noise but if I play the whole days, you will start scolding me. Even your son fails his Add Maths, you never ask him not to play the computer. He always msn with girls and you never scold him. This is really unfair.

I don't mind that you do not support on me. But please don't make me question on my decison that I have made. Oh, please la...KCL!! You only get ? marks for your Add Maths and you even XXXX 4 of your subjects in the MYT. You tries to make fun of me. Saying that if I am a lawyer, I will become 哑巴 when I see the judge. What about you?? You will piss in your pants when you see the judge la. What I hate the most is that you support your son and together making fun of me. I tell you, I HATE you!!! And I am warning you, KCL. You don't ever making fun of me anymore, you idiot buffalo!!! You think you are very smart, gah??? Please stop dreaming la!! I tell you, I won't let myself fail the exam geh!! I want to prove to you that among your children, I am the best. The ends.

Friend, thanks for your comment. About the interview that day, I think I had passed la...feel so surprised.


T.T crying kenix signing out at 2.43am

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Today's feeling : 今天我觉得很丢脸。

Wow, it had been a long time I didn't post any blogs due to my busy college life. College's life is really tiring and not similar like secondary school. And of course, I always think that secondary school life is my best moments in life. I miss it a lot. But that had become the history of my life meaning that I won't have another secondary school life, so what I have to do now is concentrating on my studies in college and thinking about my future. And just try to forget the past.

But recently, I always thinks whether I have made a correct choice to study at TAR College. Many people keep asking me the same question. Guess what is the question?? The question is "Hah, you are studying at TAR College?? How many As you get?? Why don't you study Form 6?? Why don't you go for a better college or university??" All these questions are making me crazy. Am I picking the right choice??? No, I don't know! I know I shouldn't think of all these anymore but I have some regret feeling in my heart now and making me feeling sad all days.

As in my college life, we must have 2 credit hours in order to pass the co-curriculum unit. And what I have done to ensure that I can get the 2 credit hours, I make up my mind to enter 下乡服务团. As I am a non-mandarin student, I am having difficulties in speaking that language fluently. I undergoes the first interview and I managed to pass it... but today or maybe just now, I just have another interview but I think I'll fail this time. My mandarin is so 乱七八糟 and I think they won't let me pass one. I feel so 丢脸 about the interview just now. I campur all my languages like a bowl of rojak and I really don't know whether they can get what I say.

Nowadays, only left me alone. All of them are leaving one by one. Lee Teck had gone to UNITEN on last Friday/Saturday and Mabel also had gone to KL this morning. By the way, Yugathes will be leaving us too in the next 2 weeks. Meaning that all the 5 Science 1 's students had gone to somewhere else, except me and those who are doing their STPM.

Huh, it's very late now and I should go to bed right away. Tomorrow still have 3 Tutorial Class and I haven't started on my QS questions. OMG, what a busy week this is!!!
This week will have QS test and then next week will have Accounting test and also Hubungan Etnik test... tiring!!! Assignments and presentations are all coming together in Week 6 & 7.


丢脸的 kenix signing out @ 1.27am

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